By Muhammad Fahaad Humayun
Pakistan Navy Engineering College
National University of Sciences & Technology
Credits: This post is credited to and inspired from Lubaina Ehsan, Anum Shamsheer, Majid Mahmood, Awais Akhtar, Abdul Muqeet and all others who are on a valiant mission. May Allah help them succeed.
Dedicated: To Momal Mushtaq who is a Harry Potter fan and a very helping trainer. May she get a certificate for it.
Since I was seven I have been expecting a letter from Professor Dumbledore about my admission into Hogwarts. I really felt that I was special and could make people do my bidding by moaning, crying and persisting and it worked. Well sadly, and now I think about it fortunately, I didn’t ever get any such letter and thus, I was doomed to be a muggle forever. Being a muggle, however, is lucky to be honest. I can play Play station; watch T.V, play football and sleep in air conditioned rooms and much more.
If I were to go to Hogwarts when I was eleven, I would have missed out on Playstation, Xbox and Nintendo, and of course I would never get to read Twilight. I know many people would prefer to go Hogwarts rather than reading about Bella’s laziness, but hey! Twilight is famous too, okay.
I would have to live in a far off castle with no hangout places for the first two years with four more guys in my room. Okay, I love making friends and having a good time with them, “magr Kamray ka mazak nahe hay”. I can’t compromise my privacy for learning magic that is forbidden to use openly.
Why do you want to learn magic? To get killed by the Dark Load and his minions who never paid attention in school but who know awesome, more powerful magic than you and will always get the better of you. And what job will you do after learning magic for seven years. Be an Auror? That’s the best a wizard can be! Being an Auror is cool but what’s the point? Aurors are there to fight the Dark Lord and there’s only one boy who can finish him, others are just there as story characters and no one remembers their name after the Dark Lord dies.
You can use magic to do things others can’t do? Right? But you can’t do magic to cheat in exams which I will love to do as I suck in studies. You can’t produce food which is the other thing I love to have and you have frogs and beans with ear wax as a flavor for kids. Aren’t Lays, Cheetos and Bunties better? Forget Pizza hut and Hardee’s. In every feast you will have to eat Turkey roast and potatoes. And still you will remain lean and slender (Pointed towards Ginny Weasley and Hermione).
What about dresses? Saarhi, Lehanga and three piece suits are better and dazzling than those dress robes. Girls with curly hairs have to straighten their hairs with some kind of potion which they have to apply for hours. Won’t you people prefer using a straightener?
I am a guy and I love flirting. Every guy does. But what if my girl asked me to make an unbreakable vow? Some girls are insecure enough to shove you into making one. Thank God, that there is no such unbreakable vow in Muggle world. Otherwise every girl you get committed with will ask you to make one. And we all know what happens if you break it. You Die. How convenient.
The most globally shared interest is music. There isn’t any Rihanna or Katy Perry or even Michael Jackson there. Still, you’re spared of some Rebecca Black. Instead, you have some sisters in a band that play music like they are being tortured and of course Mrs. Weasley’s favorite songs. Like them? Yeah I don’t like them either.
Last but not the least, I would have missed out on Facebook if I were a Hogwarts student.