Youth Voices

Five Reasons Why I’m Anti-Valentine

Valentine’s Day Special
Our Community – The Voice of Youth

By Ali Suleman
COMSATS Institute of Information Technology
Islamabad

Image Source: liewcf.com

Three years back, I wrote an article titled “Pro-Valentine”. Since then, at the start of February every year, I avidly have been sending it to different magazines in hope of seeing it in print. But much to my disappointment, the only Valentine articles I am witnessing have been by the authors who are adamant to tell anyone who’d listen, how anti-Valentine they are. So this time, I decided to change the strategy in order to get my article published. Therefore, instead of stating why I am pro-Valentine, I’ll argue this time why I am anti-Valentine! Selfish, no? Thanks.

I am anti-Valentine, because:

1. Valentine’s Day promotes us to have relationships out of marriage. It encourages young people to betray their spouses to-be. And this is something totally forbidden in Islam! Now take the example of my friend Fooka. He and his most recent girlfriend date every weekend. I myself saw them together in a restaurant twice. And I’m sure they’re not going to miss the Valentine’s Day as well. See the ‘unIslamicness’ of Valentine’s Day? Don’t fear God, the shameless people who celebrate this day! Don’t they have to go to the grave? What do these people think they are, mortals? Whom do they think they are trying to cheat on, God? Such a disgusting un-Islamic, no, non-Islamic, nah, anti-Islamic celebration it is! Astaghfirullah! If it wasn’t for the Valentine’s Day, such anti-Islamic activities wouldn’t have been there in our society for sure!

2. It’s against our social values to commercialize our ‘love’ the way we are supposed to do on the Valentine’s Day. In our culture, the culture of the Indo-Pak subcontinent, that is, hanging out with the opposite gender is totally alien! How can we allow a foreign fest to invade in our social bounds and spoil our pure culture? When you’re living in Pakistan, respect its culture! If you don’t like the culture, then get yourself out of here! And that’s for you Fookay! You hear me? GET OUT OF HERE! The way you frequent that restaurant with your girlfriend, and the way you’re going to do that on the 14th Feb as well is enough an evidence to renounce the Valentine’s Day as a culturally inappropriate event!

3. We are a poor country. Let’s admit it. How on earth can we afford a Rs. 500 bouquet for a girlfriend when a ghareeb ka bacha sleeps hungry? On a similar note, the Muslim ummah is suffering all around the world! Look in Kashmir! Look in Iraq! Look in Afghanistan! Look in Palestine! Look in Egypt! Look in India! Look in Rawanda! Go, look! Look, look! Is it a time to rejoice, I ask you! It’s time to mourn, to share the vows our Muslim brethren. People like Fooka who want to showoff their wealth through these bogus festivals should use some brains and spend this money on some worthy cause. If it was in my hands, I’d have asked the Supreme Court to place a ban on this Valentine’s Day saga so that the wealth of the nation doesn’t get wasted on such worthless occasions. We are encouraged to buy a 100 rupee red rose when our country is in a devastating economic crisis! See where the prices have reached! My dad bought two cows for slaughtering for the baqara Eid last year for 1 lakh! And guess what! Even fire crackers were being sold for 10 rupees per cracker, last shab e barat when I bought ten packets! And on the coming Eid milaad un Nabi (SAWW), the lightening of our house is costing us 30,000 rupees! In such times of crises, it’s the events like the Valentine’s Day that are promoting economic turmoil and disturbance and chaos and disorder and anarchy and mayhem and what not! Such occasions are nothing but a source of frustration for the poor and a source of exhibiting their paisa for the rich! Tch tch tch.

4. The day seems more to be a political ploy of the Hindu-Zionist-Jew lobby to infiltrate our religious beliefs, and spoil our culture. As we all know that the aim of the Zionists is to make a Godless world, and to turn this plan into reality they slowly and gradually want to penetrate our brains. And that is the reason why they are selling this day just to us, the Muslims, the theists, the pious, the devout, the God-fearing lot. They are doing it on purpose, I tell you! Keeping their own children away from such immoral activities, but making us innocents indulge in them. How treacherous of them, no? But I’m sure Fooka won’t know of these global political strategies; he’ll still take his girlfriend to the same restaurant on the 14th! How do I tell him, I don’t know, about all this? Oh and now they have used another trick! They are spreading some self-made history of the Valentine’s Day that it’s actually the death anniversary of a Christian saint who had stood up against the then emperor’s rule about disallowing his soldiers from getting married, and had finally laid down his life for the ‘noble’ cause. It’s all a ploy, I tell you. All a ploy to make the day appear harmless to the Muslims! They tell the real history to their children so that they themselves stay away from it, but sell us the distorted one. Deceitful Jews! Destroying our rich cultural and religious heritage! Oh Fookay, I wish you knew that and renounced your girlfriend.

5. I have no girlfriend. What’s the point my being a pro-Valentine now? What’s the benefit? Girls hate me. No one even gives a damn when I pass someone a smile; I even tried giving Gulabo a gulaab. The gift went well with her name, I thought, but well, it fired back. She never talked to me again, never even saw me. And that, that, that Fooka! Every girl of the locality is crazy about him. I mean, okay, he is not as overweight as I am, his complexion is also fair, and his head is also decorated with some hair, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have a heart, or does it? And the fact frustrates me like hell, whenever I see two love birds together! I mean, if I can live without a girlfriend, why shouldn’t the rest of the world?

PS. In case you didn’t get it already, that was a satire.